I’ve had Nomad•ness up and running for the better part of 2010. With that, one would assume (even I assumed) that I’d be ‘used’ to the idea of cameras following me around on world travels.
I’m learning there is a stark contrast between documenting, editing, and presenting your own show footage as a lone traveler, to the side of the spectrum where everything else is out of your hands.
The idea of having cameras around you for nearly 24 hours a day automatically fucks with your psyche, whether consciously or subconsciously.
As Jean Pierre stated, “The first few days I was fixing my shirt if I was sitting a certain way and saw wrinkles.” Small action, but huge representation as to how immediate you are thrown into this self-conscious bubble. I’ve never been this aware of myself in my life! It’s weird is what it is.
Nomad•ness is under my complete creative control. Therefore, if you see a bad angle it was a very deliberate act for me to put it in there.
When you let go (something I have a very hard time doing) that control is gone. For me, this first week has felt like a free fall. I don’t know if I feel more raw doing Jet Set Zero or writing my memoir. Actually, the answer is Jet Set because though my book is raw, I still have the creative control, and it’s not an immediate presentation to the world. There will be numerous edits.
This is the challenge of reality tv. Uncut, immediate, for better or worse, facing yourself and allowing the world to see you too. I now, more than ever, understand why people don't do this shit. The weak will not survive. That’s for damn sure. I have a new found respect for the idea of privacy that I’m not sure I ever had before in life.
Everyday I wake up feeling like I am bungee jumping or skydiving. Arms open, I am free falling into the elements and the initial shock of the plunge is still prevalent.
I look forward to the part of the fall where I am just soaring. The part where I can finally open my eyes and face the world underneath me. The place where I’m comfortable, able to understand/accept the lesson, and am fully grateful for the safe landing.